trying to get myself to read more again!
did not finish, i will use it as a reference.
i was excited to try this book. i respect monteleone's depth of knowledge and for some reason i could never sit through a video of his, so i was ready to read. a book combining two of my big interests! the beginning - defining our terms, a quick outline of mystical experiences etc - great! great great great. but then... surprise! the return of the dreaded qabalah. in excruciating detail. and! no mention of the actual Use of the tarot in/for mysticism... you can read it predictively, read it for insight. and then there's the third - mystical - level of the tarot! ok, but what do i DO with that mystical level? because if all we're saying is "tarot is a map of/to the divine" then it's only that because qabalah is a map. tarot has nothing "extra" to add. am i supposed to lay out the cards in their specific order/shape and Contemplate The Map? that's adding an awful lot of extra concepts to something that can't really be expressed in words...
this and the previous books were - i admit - impulse purchases. serves me right! nothing good has ever come from an impulse purchase. i haven't done one of those in almost half a year, i guess i forgot the lesson...
1/5 it started out good but i think it really quickly lost the plot. it was sold at the start as a kind of anti-capitalist, anti-productivity thing that promptly turned into a productivity thing. aren't you tired and burnt out from Achieving? don't you know - it's only because you're trying to achieve Linearly. if you try in a Loop or ever widening Spiral - don't worry, you'll Achieve. here's why you're failing to Achieve, this thing we're supposed to all be doing. (after expounding on why you shouldn't want to achieve the things society prescribed). we were so close! i often find these books not radical enough. "stop trying to find your purpose and start living instead" my ass. and it's so hard to tell at the start whether a book is dressed up in garbage corpo-talk because that's the language of the people who need a wake-up call the most, or because it's actually a corpo-book...
anyway, it was very disjointed. the pitch at the beginning was never developed and the only original-ish idea could have been a post-it note. if you mention at the start a health-event that completely changed your perspective on your life and career i should not be reading about start-ups across the next 300 pages.
5/5 lots to think about... the (device) of the missing brother was very effective, i couldn't put the book down. she did take her time with the official Reveal but after a while you could see where it was pointing with the mounting dread. at one point it was going on for so long i began thinking she might not actually do an official reveal and we'll forever talk around it. i'm sure it would have worked but it would have been a completely different sort of book. this way we got some closure and the promise of the author was fulfilled.
anyway, i loved the characters, they felt like real people. i love how their lives all intertwined, how they all had their very distinct reactions to the events, how their life stories and personalities got shaped by each other. everyone messy but trying - to do the right thing, to preserve themselves, to have a life of their own.
the only thing i wish was idk maybe more explicit is some commentary on class privilege. there was a lot of disparity but mostly wrapped up into race, war, and gender, the prison of patriarchy. i'm not sure if the way the family continued their cushy lives after the Event and into the present was an Intentional Statement (it was bold enough) or not a consideration at all. the author might just as well have meant "even these Normal Nice People have tragedies in their life :( sometimes there is an Event" damn, even Phillip gets to recover from his ordeal in some kind of deus ex machina philanthropist paradise! so idk, it's pulling me in two opposite directions: "too unrealistic" and "yeah, it's probably like that for rich people".
5/5 despite having read it in translation. it's a good translation! front-facing themes of misogyny, nature and women being vessels for, objects and recipients of male desire. i'd want to say "period-typical misogyny", but of course the author's own note reveals the source as a broad spectrum of thinkers across the centuries and into modernity.
aside from that - an interesting selection of polish society from the final years of the partitions. and a seriously great atmosphere, all sensory and "appetizing", with the background weirdness and creeping horror. i shan't spoil the ending.
4/5 (only because i think a 5 means i'd want to re-read it). painfully human story about how we all fit together. love and death, accidents and illnesses, human kindness and awkward, passive cruelties. painfully real in certain ways. i'm not sure what to make of the supernatural element? but i do enjoy these types of multi-pov stories. nicely written, too, extra points for the poetic language and playing with form.
2/5? not in any way trash just straightforward and predictable in a kind of vaguely satisfying/familiar "mythic" way? boy goes through trials, has special mentors from the wilderness, something something underdog becomes emperor. i don't think this would've been something i picked up on my own, i only read it to dip into the worlds of the outer wilds as pertainint to the tarot of the cat people. i do wonder how many of the interesting cultural and geographical details in here come from karen kuykendall's guide and how many from norton's imagination. i don't think i'll be reading part two, despite having both in one book.
4/5. would be 3 but i'm adding one point for "readability". i have so many books in progress that just aren't... readable. i have to take what i can get!
as much as i felt some things were under-explored in the movie... i think overall it did a better job than the book. (now having finished it i see they're equally under-explored here). it worked as a fun space romp movie but i'm not sure what the book is doing with uh its genre. for me part of sci-fi is "we're gonna hand-wave the science, don't worry about it"; suspension of disbelief in service to the greater story, exploring society, how the hero fits in, what it says about our non-sci-fi world etc. so it felt very very strange to have the author try to make the science convincing, while keeping the story relatively straightforward and then quite hastily wrapped up. i'm sure the science is Very Satisfying for people who are even slightly more scientifically-inclined (or maybe aggravating if it doesn't make as much sense as the author would like?), just - not for me.
also, the narrator's sense of humor is slightly annoying. i know it could be the author just trying too hard to be funny, but i have to ascribe it to ryland, otherwise i wouldn't be able to read it at all. in which case: what's wrong with you, trying so so hard? i want to know the horrors. is it just that one sentence summation stratt served him - you're a coward? was he not a Funny Guy before being ejected from academia? these are the interesting things to me, but i am a very character-driven reader. i don't even know what i want, more interiority? we've had /some/ - "i'm not going to die!" - but it seemed flat. where's the /meaning/? out of the four "gateways" to reading, i'm most interested in character. plot and world-building can be very scant. the writing cannot be Bad, but doesn't have to be beautifully literary, that's a bonus. so idk it's left me wanting more. and that's the 3/5.
3/5? never heard of her before someone mentioned this book. a non-denominational mystic, it seems, although she uses mostly christian language. lots of parallels with buddhist awakening, unsurprisingly. an interesting person, i've always admired that sort of clarity of purpose and dedication in people, can only hope to reach a similar level of clarity and integrity one day.
not very much here in terms of instruction other than "do good, be loving and truthful, and receptive to god's voice". also not a fan of "you create your conditions through your thoughts", even though i think i know what she means (identifying with the ego leads to "wrong" thoughts and does indeed cause a lot of needless suffering), but without much explanation it stinks of the manifesting crowd and blaming opressed people for their circumstances. probably won't be re-reading, there are texts of this variety that speak more clearly to me.
alright, i also figured out it exists and read her "steps toward inner peace" pamphlet, more instruction there! not bad, lists all sorts of components of ego-death. might actually use it as a program for myself when i'm ready for another challenge! maybe even a whole year sort of thing?
DNF. i thought i might as well list books i've officially given up on. i just don't care. i'm tired of london everywhere and of political intrigue, the thing that most puts me off fantasy. i don't care for the characters and frankly for the writing. 100 pages should be enough to hook a reader and it just isn't doing anything for me.
my brain decided i'm not allowed to read any of the books i've got in progress and actually want to read, so i switched to something i suspected would "read itself" to get the momentum going again.
i've read one naomi novik book before and i remember it was easy but not, idk, insultingly simple? both this one and "spinning silver" had a wonderful internal "folk tale" logic and tight plot. plenty of female characters, YA without focusing on romance, high stakes magical adventures, would probably read again.
4/5 one star off because with how well everything else is executed i do wish it was more... literary? alright, no, if it's a first person perspective of a peasant girl it can't be too literary... in that case i'm taking one star off for the "eclectic slavic" theme. everything is vaguely polish and in some ways it's delightful with some truly deep cuts in there. you can guess from the fantasy names they're meant to reflect Cracow, Warsaw, Gdańsk or Gdynia, the Vistula etc. on the other hand some things are truly baffling/out of place for this level of research/accuracy. why are some people's names spelled accurately in polish and others in a strange phonetic transcription? please settle on one. you have Kasia and Agnieszka (which btw does not shorten to Nieszka, what) but then Marisha for Marysia? And Stashek - is that Staszek or Stasiek? (and some minor other stuff. like why would a polish medieval peasant refer to something as "hummingbird fast"? or how do you have the wind at your plural backs, when each of you is facing a different direction?) but i'm being pedantic, most of the time it was easy to just brush all of that under the carpet of "fantasy".
2/5 this is the guidebook for the tarot of the drowning world. i remember now why i never reference it. the author seems to be unclear on the name of the deck. despite each entry being accompanied by a blown up image of the card, she never references the actual images. the major arcana are somewhat interesting - each one a mini-essay around our relationship to environment, its exploitation etc. even if it has little to do with the image or card meaning, i can see how you could use that sort of lens to read a deck, why not. so points for that and the good bibliography.
the minors is where the thing really makes no sense. falkner gives an outline to each suit, at some points using marseille concepts (batons for farmers but not cups for clergy or coins for merchants), at other times using esoteric correspondences (cups for emotions, swords for intellect). it's inconsistent and incongruous with the artists' vision. the deck as-is has some interesting things going on that aren't mentioned at all, e.g. the design of the court cards. personally i see the deck as very vibrant and alive, the vegetation lush and not troubled at all. the black backgrounds of the deep water feel like scrying mirrors, the figures in the water feel dream-like and magical - more lady of the lake than the results of our self-made ecological downfall. (obviously that's just my interpretation and i'm not rating this a 2/5 only because of that discrepancy, there are simpy Issues). back to the tarot bookshelf with ye.
another great blend of action and lore. loving the various creative ways our characters come up with to circumvent each others' disabilities and limitations, helping others navigate a world that wrote them off. might just read this volume again for the confidence boost and food for thought. i like how each character has a strength-that-is-a-weakness. they seem a little bit too on the nose, but there's just so many individual threads and stories that this Highlighted Traits help them not get lost in the shuffle.
i feel like it should be a 4 but i'm... missing something? so maybe a 3/5 for now. i have many questions... i'm confused about the ending. so in the end it was all about the prophecy, not killing god? was it specifically about lyra? if so, why? what was it about her in particular? or was it about any individual who happened to arrive at that situation (puberty + witch + first love), and it just so happened, through many little synchronicities, that it was her? wasn't it about both lyra and will? why wasn't he part of the prophecy? what exactly was lyra's choice/the fall?? you can't choose to Not Mature physically, so not that... i thought it would be the later choice of closing the windows, unselfishly, moving away from childish self-centered-ness. but a) she had already acted in the interest of others throughout the series and b) the big dust glow already happened under the tree. so is it what Mary said, choosing to live with your full spirit, even if it means you're not following the rules/being "good"? if so, what sort of a choice is that for someone who wasn't really ever under the pressure to be "good"? why would her particular, conscious choice to do that generate so much dust compared to other people?
also other questions about asriel, his motivation, how people knew about him inter-dimentionally, how did they all build the fortress in a matter of a few weeks etc.
a grand sweeping adventure, for sure, with many emotional moments. it was cool how the "right things" happened when the protagonists acted from their own integrity vs. just following what others wanted of them, no matter how important it seemed. but i feel like that confused john travolta gif.
5/5 what the hell, so many good books recently. i mean i'm happy - it means i don't have to wonder whether to record all the books or only the good ones. wonderful heart-wrenching story about parenthood, love, hope, and responsibility against the backdrop of climate collapse. if you've got climate anxiety (so valid) maybe skip this one. generally there's plenty of other trigger warnings to heed but nothing was really for simple shock value. it was all excellently woven to serve the main themes and the stories of the ensemble. (huh, just saw a review complaining about a not very believable plot-twist and i'm not sure what plot twist they mean?? was there one?)
i mean... i started reading and accidentally left the eggs cooking for 3 hours... it's definitely engaging, i like the quick and seamless lore-dump/world building, things are happening rapidly without being overwhelming. "interesting" choice to forbid healing magic??
4/5 re-read. honestly the 1 point off from a 5/5 is for too good a job writing tense moments. the dread builds up and instead of wanting it resolved i'd rather just not read it and then i forget to pick it back up for days and days. somehow even more brutal than the previous one. this is how far i've read previously. i want to trust the author but it's kind of ? to root for the main characters, when their mission is "yes, go join/help this deranged guy, lord A Little Child Murder Is Beneficial Actually, on his totally normal interdimensional war/murder mission" (atrocities done in the name of god = get rid of god? my man, people will find different ways to justify the atrocities). idk! taking a break for other books. looking forward to dr malone's adventures, though!
5/5 recent pick-up from an indie bookshop. honestly i just wanted something self-contained and idk literary? slam dunk, what a great story. i love how it slowly started taking shape with each new mentioned crumb of info, like the looming dread of a tragedy. and then how neatly and satisfyingly it all snapped into place. i lack the proper words for the nuances of grief, the parallels, overlaps. like... a house haunted with mirror reflections down long hallways. reflections upon reflections. also - great structure, felt almost like a Good Meal.
5/5 a re-read! i haven't yet managed to finish the first trilogy, only ever got two books in, but i'm feeling good about this attempt. i love the world-building and the fairy-tale feel of it juxtaposed with the idk brutality of being a child, religious fanaticism etc. probably would've been obsessed if i'd actually read it as a child, alas - never heard of it at the appropriate age. also even after i heard of "his dark materials" - that just doesn't sound like a cool fantasy series, more like edgy porn?? but i'm very happy my appalled friend lent me their copies at the beginning of the pandemic. got my own book now (3 in 1), hope it /delivers/. (also, as before, reading about the alethiometer makes me want to dip back into lenormand!)
