big brain dump

setting: surrounded by things to do! chaos!

listening to: somebody to love - jefferson airplane

brain dump! because i'm feeling very scattered and overwhelmed.

• only did two pages of zine but can't focus on more
• brain wants to make sketchbooks even though i don't need any more. crafting is fun
• idea: more tiny sketchbooks, i really liked filling that one up. it had a sort of theme and i didn't overdo it, it was just enough space to explore it
• speaking of sketchbooks, need to edit those 4 recordings awaiting upload...
• but also i'm trying to figure out beepbox to maybe give the flipthroughs little soundtracks! so many things depending on other things
• speaking of art, i saw a fancy online store stock new watercolors and now i want them, even though i've never managed to use watercolors successfully before. but there is a little part of my brain going "yes, what if it's because you didn't have the right ones" etc. it's true that i could pre-mix colors in pans and that might make it easier, and i do now have "good paper" for it but. idk. there's so many other things i already like and use...
• also: i can go to the local store and see what they have and like. get a little set. if i somehow /must/ buy, it doesn't have to be from abroad and cost the environment another leg of shipping
• idea: do another year of "use what you have" when it comes to art. it's so creatively stimulating and takes the question of shopping away.
• trying to focus on studying one tarot deck, and it's not the trionfi della luna so that project is stalled. but even the one deck i'm focused on feels a bit like a drag. i love using it, just not... filling out its notebook. even though i recognize the value of such an endeavor and would love to have that resource one day
• go back to trionfi study!
• partner's birthday is coming up and a tarot deck is always a nice gift. but now i'm looking at decks again and Wanting To Purchase. of course i haven't found anything for them, but two candidates for myself. theoretically i /could/ get them but. i'm trying not to. if i do it wouldn't be a tragedy (well... one of them is quite expensive), only got 2 this year so far so that's super low. but...
• i already had my eye on the soul cards decks. i've been intrigued by them for years now, the only thing that's been stopping me is the fact they're oracles and i don't really read oracles. but then i saw people make tarot decks out of them, quite successfully, and now i'm more than ever tempted.
• i've been trying so hard to downsize the tarot collection and not lie to myself about which decks actually appeal to me in terms of their reading potential. i've accepted some are simply art objects. there's a whole box of decks waiting to be taken out. and a whole box of art objects. i don't want to start re-filling the shelves. i've accepted that there won't ever be The One Deck to end all decks, but i'd love to focus on a handful of favorites. at the same time i really don't have Strong Feelings even about those "faves". the most i can say is they're solid when it comes to content and pretty when it comes to form. is there anything more to it? does it come through extended work and bonding?
• also partner suggested i could make them a deck and. yeah. i want to. another project!
• since coming back to belgium there's also the Apartment Hunt. while not super tedious it's like.. a running task in the background of my brain, eating up tiny bits of my attention/energy
• i'm also trying to learn dutch/flemish on glossika and idk, it's alright. but alongside all these other things it feels like it's adding to the chaos
• trying to set up an online hang with people back in poland, so that's new and stressful, even if it goes ok and turns into a fun regular friend thing
• tomorrow's the beginning of weblogpomo2024 so that's another /thing/. maybe this here is a list of ideas and issues to write about! lol
• another purchase thing - in an attempt to make our One Room living situation more bearable i thought i could organize my art supplies in one of those tiered trolleys and hide that behind the desk, to the side, so things look less chaotic. the problem is there's already a big box of stuff there and i'd need to bother partner to finally sort through what's in there. but i don't want to give them a Big Task.
• all the above on top of normal daily things. like needing to cook today.

someone good with brain - help me unlearn the urge to buy and make all of the above stop tangling together...

more thoughts
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